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Kyojiro89
09-02-2008, 10:51 PM
Username: Kyojiro89

GENERAL

Name: Shigeru "Chisoku" Myeong
Gender: Male
Age: 17
School: (Higashi High)
School Clubs:

* Tennis Club
* Choir club
* Art Club
* Cooking Club

Skill Stats:

* Stamina: 10.
Strength:10
Defense:8
Speed:12
Total Skill Points: 40.


Status: F-class
A-T Information: black and white Speed spec A-t's.


Looks like this...
http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c35/vampire_freakgrl/Anime%20Guys/-----.jpg


Eye Color: Blue
Hair: Grey with blue tips
Skin Tone: Light complexion.
Height/Weight: 5'7", 150 lb.
Blood-type: AB+
Overall Appearance:
He has an Athletic build and loves wearing white. He is usually wearing a white one piece suit with a black under shirt and black sneakers unless he is wearing his A-T's. He has crystal blue eyes, and he wears light blue shades to match with his eyes, and hair tips which are blue as well. His hair is Grey with blue tips. It’s usually loose and he some times ties it back when he has to see something better. Some times he holds his hair behind his head to sneak a peek over people’s shoulders. He is healthy other than his smoking habit. Other than that he looks like a likable person at first glance.

PERSONALITY:

Likes:

* Animals
* Food
* Cooking
* Painting/graffiti

Dislikes:

* Snakes
* Ignorant people
* spinach

Hobbies:

* Tennis
* Cooking
* Painting
* At's
Fears: Eaten alive by Snakes. He fears that life will devour him. He doesn't take life to serious. He never wants to be so busy that he would not be able to help a friend in need. He fears that he would not be able to help his friends accomplish their goals. His biggest fear is to be of no use to his friends, and becoming a burden for others.

Goals: Not Get eaten alive by snakes. His life goal is not to become a tool ad enjoy life and all its pleasures. His goal is to become the best Sonic Rider out there. He has wanted to become a sonic rider since he first saw a Sonic Storm Rider. So his goal is to become the best Sonic Rider of all time.

Overall Personality:
Easily Excitable, and fun loving. He enjoys talking to friends and playing games. He loves being busy, so he is always up to something. He talks Petty well and he is well mannered.... usually. He stares in to space allot in his classes, usually day dreams unless he is talking to people. He is easily entertained, and he giggles to himself often. He loves playing Tennis. He is an aggressive player so he has a quick reaction time. He plans his every move before he does it and he loves guessing other peoples move before they do them. He enjoys staring at clouds and Listening to music. He is also an occasional smoker he only smokes when he needs to calm down.

HISTORY

Birthplace: Aomori, Japan.
Birth date: Feb 23, 1991
Birth time: 9:47pm
Parents:
Mom: Chigusa Akio
Dad: Bae Myeong
Siblings: N/a only child

Overall History:
He was born in Aomori, Japan. Aomori Prefecture is a prefecture of Japan located in the Tohoku Region, the capital city being Aomori. He was raised in a good family his parents supportive in whatever he did in his life as long as it makes him happy, and isn’t illegal. His Family isn't poor but they are a some what wealthy family. His mother was a Linguistics Professor in the nearby college. She spoke Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, English, Russian, German, French, Chinese, and Italian. His Father is a Marine Biologist in the nearby aquarium. He lived with his mom and dad till he was about 16 when he asked if he could move in to an apartment near his school. His parents obviously objected but eventually. One night while he was taking out the trash he saw some storm riders in a battle. One of them in specific who wore red stood out in his mind. His movement was like a beautiful symphony. It flowed so eloquently that this image was etched in to his memory. It wasn’t till later that he found out that this person was a Sonic Rider.

He moved to Tokyo to live near his school. His Parents gave in and let him move so, now he lives in an apartment a few blocks away from his school. His apartment is a one room place on the second floor of a three story building. He managed to get a job in a hobbies shop. It’s not a spectacular job but it gets him discounts on A-T parts. It was ran by an old woman, the old woman always told him he would get along with her grandson. She also told him that someday he would meet him. But little did they know that they both went to the same school. The reason they didn't know each other was because they worked different shifts. When they met, it was the first day of High School when they were doing attendance. They began to talk, and actually did get along rather well. The students name was "Hotaru Whistler" his nick name was "Cloud" because he always stared up at the clouds. They became good friends and started to ride around the same time. They then became friends through out there High school careers.

Extra: He is Trilingual he speaks Japanese, Korean, and English fluently, and he knows a little bit of French and Chinese, and understands a little bit of Italian.

Roleplay Sample:

*This was a Gundam seed RP Shigeru was my character
and the sergeant was my side character*

So lets see the general should be in the bar across from the military base. The bomb I need I have to pick it up in the store across from the bar. Shigeru thought to himself as he made his way to the base which wasn't to far from the park were he was earlier.

Okay so one of my guys should be in the store.... oh there he is. Shigeru said as he walked in to the store. "Did you bring the equipment for the mission?"

"Yes sir, I did and here it is." the soldier said as he passed a black book bag to Shigeru.

"Good job. Now get out of here so I dot have to worry about you when I leave. Your part of the mission is done good job."

"Thank you sir! I will see you at the rendezvous sir." The soldier said as he turned away and left towards the rendezvous.

Now to get this over with, Shigeru thought to him self as he started his way to the bar across the street were he could see the general walking in to the bar.




Shigeru walked in to the bar looked at the bartender and ordered a soda. Then he scanned through the place till he saw the general in the corner talking to some other officers. Shigeru then sat were he could see the general so that the bomb he was carrying would take better effect. So, let’s see I'll just set it up after i get my drink here and then
I'll leave and "forget" my bag".

"Here's your drink sir." said the waiter as he put the drink down on the table.

"Thanks." Shigeru said looking up at the waiter. After about 10 minutes Shigeru stood up and walked out of the bar without his back pack, about five minutes later the place blows up. The police and fire department rushed their way there but by that time Shigeru was close to the rendezvous he could see his comrades preparing to leave. That's when he was relieved because the first part of their mission was complete and the second part was about to start.

Jakkin
09-03-2008, 12:52 AM
In my opinion you need more description in the following areas.



Overall Appearance
Overall History:
Overall Personality
Goals
Fears


Look over this... it might help as a comparison...

http://www.lounge.sorascans.com/showthread.php?t=2977

Antiluz
09-03-2008, 10:13 AM
"good job. Now get out of here so i dot have to worry
about u when i leave. your part of the mission is done
good job."


/wristslap

Don't text talk.

There are a few spelling mistakes which we all know can be solved by a little thing we all dread, PROOF READING, read your posts back to yourself and check your spelling, if you are not confident in your own ability to spell check (which a lot of people are not, myself included sometimes) ask a friend, and while doing this ask yourself "Did that make sense?" If it doesn't make sense to you, chances are it wont to others.

Also, Description is a GOOD thing.

after about 10 minutes
Shigeru stood up and walked out of the bar without his back pack, about
five minutes later the place blows up.

That sentence (which should have a Coma in by the way) Could have been described in a MUCH better way, you could have topped one or two full paragraphs just from a graphic description, rather then just "it blew up".

Spell Check, punctuation, Description.

And its been said MANY times, if you have any problems, ask for help, and also if you need an idea of what you should produce for a finished app, read a few of the approved applications.

Jakkin
09-03-2008, 10:08 PM
Also, paragraphs that are in this choppy type of block
format that cut off and don't go all the way to the end
of the line that is possible to be made, is incredibly
annoying in my opinion, and if I was made a mod I
would want to shred them in half... however i'm not...
but if you are going to insist on typing in this fashion
then you had DAMN sure try to keep it in a presentable
fashion and not have one line extend so far that it makes the british nanny whores gag.

Also... DETAIL DETAIL DETAIL!

Kyojiro89
09-17-2008, 05:38 PM
OK its updated ^_^ sorry it took so long i was busy with other stuff.....

Jakkin
09-17-2008, 09:56 PM
Again.. more detail in the previously mentioned areas...

Also in my opinion your rp sample is incredibly bland.

Nikku
09-18-2008, 05:28 AM
Again.. more detail in the previously mentioned areas...

Also in my opinion your rp sample is incredibly bland.

To be fair, the application requirement seems to have risen by quite a considerable amount. This seems adequate to me, not that far off mine.

CloudShadow
09-18-2008, 09:09 PM
OK its updated ^_^ sorry it took so long i was busy with other stuff.....

lol... he posted the wrong version of his own RPC... XD

Jakkin
09-19-2008, 12:02 AM
In my opinion... it still needs more information...

In specific under:

AT Information

Goals- Revise the whole thing, the redundant repitition of Sonic this and Sonic that... is making me want to go Guile on its' ass.

http://www.stopmikelupica.com/sml/GuileTech.jpg

RP-sample... just makes me want to tear out my eyes... but... whatever... have to start somewhere I s'pose.

History could still use some work...

Niu
09-24-2008, 07:09 AM
Uhhh....Just a random thing I noticed, but if "Chisoku" is his nickname...you didn't mention that once in history at all, so what does it mean? Where did he get it? Why does he have it? Did he make it up himself?

That's some information that could probably be added to his history.

DeadEnd
12-02-2008, 07:35 PM
Well, no body bothered to take of this... XD.

!Accepted
by Deaddy