Parental Pains in the Places.

[Lilika]

I'm not sure where this should go, so I'll put it here for now. If anyone thinks that it needs to be moved go ahead and tell me.

You know how a lot of parents are total douches and kids are always angsting and complaining about them? Yea. It's one of those threads.

You see, my parents are both tempermental, hardheaded, stubborn (it's a synynom for emphesis) and they won't listen to a word that I say, yet they always expect me to take a brunt of all of their bitching and moaning. The thing is I'm normally not the type of person who would turn you down when you need to vent out and I don't go blabbing about it to others, but this has been going on for far to long for me to shut up and take it anymore.

My mom is paranoid and has more than once asked me to do something in order to make sure that my dad is not cheating on her even though she claims that she's given up on him. She's always, always going on about how she wants to leave this house and the only reason holding her back in me. Way to make me feel like a burden. Then she goes on to complain that my dad is always making empty threats about leaving her while he never does...Hypocritical I know.

My dad has been cheating on my mom from before I was born, yet he always goes on and on and on about how he loves her and cares for her. Then he goes and tell me that he wants to leave her so that she can find someone better for her, but when she goes out with her friends to a modest club to enjoy the night off he goes ape shit on her while he goes off and gets drunk with people that she doesn't like and never tells her about it.

Of course, if this was all, I wouldn't be making a thread about it, but they refuse to listen to any suggestion I make, claiming that I'm just a littel kid and I have absolutely no idea what the hell I'm talking about, even though they pour on to me the burdens of their life (x2!). They refuse to go to marriage counceling and personal counceling, claiming that they don't need help when it's perfectly clear to any blind-deft monkey that they NEED HELP!

So what do you suggest that I do about this?

I don't want words of pity of sympathy. I got that off Gaia and Roliana. What I need are answers. And no I'm not going to just sit here and wait it out until I'm 18 to move out and ignore it. I don't want to ignore it.

...By the way, this is just the tip of the ice-freaking-burg. There is so much more I want to rant about, but I have 5 minutes left in class and I can't keep going on about it.

But don't worry. More rants are to come...

VERY SOON.

[Nie]

If they don't seem to want help then they wont seek it. Avoid them as much as possible to ease your mind a bit (from all the bitching). Its not your fault they act like this and its not for you to halt your life and fix. They are adults and need to start acting like it. The whole situation sucks, but the best thing to do is distance yourself and build your own life up.

[rasenshuriken]

I apologize for i cannot give my help. I am but a young soul and i am too young to truly understand such matters. I do agree with what Nie has said though.

[Antiluz]

Well to be honest, going from the information you have supplied, their relationship seems beyond help and they are unwilling to seek it anyway. the best thing you can do is remove your self from them, without a lightning rod to ground their lighting they will have to go elsewhere or maybe to each other or start thinking seriously.

In certain places their are laws that can allow a minor to be legally regarded as an adult under certain circumstances, such as a damaging home environment, thats obviously just me musing things over, but it is the kind of thing i think i would do in your situation.

Diss-own, Move on. I am a very cold person when it comes to matters like this, and im sorry if cause any offence or shock, or anything.

~Ant

[Lilika]

But as annoying as they are, I don't want to leave them nor do I want them to leave me. I want them to at least try and find happiness or something like it. Both of them have gone through a good share of bull shit (my mom in particular) and I think that they deserve to be happy with each other, since it's so painfully obvious that they still love each other.

My mom said that she might go to a psychologist, but only if I go too...I don't know why though. I don't need any help. I'm perfectly fine...

[Nikku]

But as annoying as they are, I don't want to leave them nor do I want them to leave me. I want them to at least try and find happiness or something like it. Both of them have gone through a good share of bull shit (my mom in particular) and I think that they deserve to be happy with each other, since it's so painfully obvious that they still love each other.

My mom said that she might go to a psychologist, but only if I go too...I don't know why though. I don't need any help. I'm perfectly fine...

If neither of you want to leave each other and your mum and dad aren't prepared to sort out their relationship by themselves or by professional counseling... there's not really a lot of choice is there? You just have to make the best you can, try and sort them out yourself one step at a can if its possible. Maybe see if you can stop your dad from cheating, by asking him to stay in with you or make prior arrangements for him.

Maybe it's a bit far fetched, but otherwise you just have to try and distance yourself and do your best.

[Sendo]

meh, when my parents Split up, or more like while they were splitting up, they asked me to see a Shrink with them as well. and while it did not do me much good, it did them a bit of good to think that I was "getting it off my chest"

no matter what you think, something like this wont leave you smiling like a newborn with a bottle. It changes something inside you and soon you might wanna go see someone whom you can talk to who can not by law, tell anyone else.


so worst comes to worst, it does your parents good. and best comes to best, it does both your parents and you some good.

[Parina]

oh my god.
when I read this I felt like I was the one who wrote it XD
I understand how you feel, my parents have serious problems, too.
well my dad is the one at fault and I envie your mom for at least telling your dad she would leave him...
I soooo wish my parents would be divorced.
I dunno what to do either and tbh I dont care anymore <_<

[Tanbird]

Yeooch..... luckily my parents were together until my dad died. But anyways...... this marriage is screwed up right now. There seems to be no communication whatsoever.(I know my house was a hell for me when my stepdad came into being...... mainly because of mis-communication between the different houses and me being an ass. First if you guys as a whole need to get all this sh*t out in the open. Talk it out...... man get a Christian counselor or have a family intervention for the two parties. And this cheating thing..... well your dad obviously doesn't care about the commitment of marriage. And well your parents obviously need to get rid of some of their friends that influence them in negative ways..... and as for you find a way to make your parents listen to you whether it be writing something to make them stop and read or what. And whatever you do don't stress because of things they're doing just forget it and pray for the best.

Well that's all for now.

[Tanbird]

But as annoying as they are, I don't want to leave them nor do I want them to leave me. I want them to at least try and find happiness or something like it. Both of them have gone through a good share of bull shit (my mom in particular) and I think that they deserve to be happy with each other, since it's so painfully obvious that they still love each other.

My mom said that she might go to a psychologist, but only if I go too...I don't know why though. I don't need any help. I'm perfectly fine...



Yo tell your mom a reason isn't an excuse to stay the way you are.... I mean everyone go's through a bunch of sh*t so if we all stopped to draw attention to themselves then the world would stand still. Now that crap's effecting her relationships now...... Ya its a hard thing to swallow but whoever did whatever to her is probably sleeping soundly in their bed. To be totally honest I'm not surprised this stuff's effecting her relationships cause well we're all human and we all want to draw attention to ourselves. And if they really love each other They need to realize that they its not just about them they have a child now that suffers because of their actions.They need to stop acting so childish and snap back to REALITY. Man up and ENSURE that your families alright emotionally and physically BEFORE you decide to hang out with THE GUYS

[Tanbird]

Yeahh most of the time when you go to a shrink you're paying for someone to talk to.... Yeah Find a confidant to speak to. Someone that has more life experience than you.

[Nikku]

Yeahh most of the time when you go to a shrink you're paying for someone to talk to.... Yeah Find a confidant to speak to. Someone that has more life experience than you.

You just triple posted... next time use the edit button.

[Lilika]

Yeooch..... luckily my parents were together until my dad died. But anyways...... this marriage is screwed up right now. There seems to be no communication whatsoever.(I know my house was a hell for me when my stepdad came into being...... mainly because of mis-communication between the different houses and me being an ass. First if you guys as a whole need to get all this sh*t out in the open. Talk it out...... man get a Christian counselor or have a family intervention for the two parties. And this cheating thing..... well your dad obviously doesn't care about the commitment of marriage. And well your parents obviously need to get rid of some of their friends that influence them in negative ways..... and as for you find a way to make your parents listen to you whether it be writing something to make them stop and read or what. And whatever you do don't stress because of things they're doing just forget it and pray for the best.

Well that's all for now.

Uh...My Parents are Buddhist. I'm agnost. I don't think having "the holy lord" guiding us will suit my (or my parent's favor), no offense if you're Christian. It's not a religion thing, so I don't think it'll help all that much. But thanks for the suggestion.

[Thunderlord]

This is going to be pretty hard to solve since you want everything to be fine and keep living as a normal happy family. Being straight forward the bitching will never end. You'll feel more and more like being a burden and wonder why in the whole damn world did it have to be you. I'm not trying to make things worse or make you feel miserable.
A time will come when you'll explode and let go everything infront of your parents. Trust me you'll feel abit of guilt but that will make them realize about your feelings.

Reading your other thread just points out that your personal problems has already started to affect relationships with friends. That's not good. Being dependent and independent both have their ups and downs. And you'll be the best judge of that. It's all up to you how you want to live and control your life.

[hooj]

What you're doing here is combining two issues that may be closely related, but do not necessarily need to be taken hand in hand.

What I mean is that the way you interact with your parents and they with you, is a very separate issue than the way they interact with each other. Treating these issues as one in the same is likely a big source of your frustration - while I'm not sure you can tackle all the issues at the same time, you may still be able to kill two birds with one stone.

The first problem I would address if I were you is to truly convince yourself that these are two separate issues. You may have some impact on how your parent's relationship has progressed, but not in a major way. I mean that they are adults - perhaps they are acting childish, but they are ultimately responsible for their own actions whether they own up to that or not. If you somehow come into the equation between them more than you realistically should be, it's their doing, not yours.

The second thing I'd suggest is to examine/improve your relationship and interaction with your parents. From your post, it seems like you care about them so here's a manageable step you can take: try to show to your parents that you are not simply a little kid. You can show them individually that you have a greater maturity level than they may realize and that you have well-formed thoughts and opinions. Show them your intelligence; be respectful but simultaneously make your opinion heard. If they brush you off as being a kid, ask them why your opinion is so flawed and try discuss it.

This is not something that will happen overnight. Re-shaping someone's opinion doesn't usually happen in a day, but I'm pretty confident that you can win your parents over. I can't tell you how to be mature, or what specifically to say, but showing respect for their experience while still making your point will win most parents over time. i.e. They say you shouldn't do ____. You can respond by saying that you don't have much experience with it so could they explain why. Not only can you figure out how your parents tick, but you can also do it subtilely and respectfully.

You just have to keep in mind that any of this should be a discussion, not an argument - an easy distinction in writing, much more difficult in practice.

If you can show each of your parents that you are a rational, mature person, they will probably come to respect you more. That you are someone with valid - albeit sometimes inexperienced views. It is certainly possible to raise the maturity level of the entire household by doing this.

This is where the second bird comes in - if you can establish yourself as more than just a little kid, then it will be easier to broach the subject of their relationship. You have to change how they view you before they'll respect your opinions. You have to take first things first.

The last bit of advice is to not feel like you have to fix everything yourself. You can do everything within your power, but in the end they will have to want to do something about it if true change is to be brought about. It's like any problem where willpower and motivation is necessary - you can give a smoker nicotine gum and nicotine patches, but if they don't want to quit, they wont. All you can do is the best you are able and try to bring about the most favorable results - even if they're not all that you had hoped for.

Hope this helps, and good luck with everything. I commend you for not wanting to "run away," it's a very mature disposition.